What hit me the hardest about this talk was Kevin Buck imploring us to become curious again in our relationships with our intimate partners. I have only been married for nine years, but I often feel like I know my partner inside and out. There is not much that surprises me anymore. And there is a certain comfort in that. When I imagined marriage, I imagined the relief that comes with counting on being with just that one person. But I didn’t imagine that someday it might feel like I had learned everything there was to know about my husband.
I loved those first few months when we first met and when the emotional high of mystery and curiosity felt like a drug. It felt like there were not enough hours in the day to explore each other. And yet now, nine years later, sometimes there feels like nothing new to know about each other. Kevin reminds us in this talk that we are ever evolving beings and that curiosity about our partners never needs to end. He prompts us to create that curiosity. We have the power to see our partners with new eyes and we can see them as a mystery. We can be playfully curious about who they are becoming.
Well I decided to take this on. It has only been three days but it has been extraordinary! When my husband made a comment about work that he has said dozens of times before, I stopped myself from responding with what I have said dozens of times back to him. Instead I imagined that I didn’t know him that well. And I asked him about it. I was curious. And it got him talking. And he said new things that I had not heard him ever say before. And I felt curious and compassionate and excited to keep exploring. So far, so good!